Qualms and contentment.

Qualm - 1. feeling of unease: a sudden feeling of uncertainty or apprehension, especially a misgiving about an action or conduct 2. sick feeling: a sudden pang of nausea

I wish I had some feelings of unease or even some feelings of nausea (due to morning sickness). But, I don't. We've had a miscarriage before, like most women I know, but it just doesn't seem to matter how many a woman has, it's still a stinker! And, I'll add, that it never matters how "far along" a woman is, it's still not fun. So, I don't have any nausea, although some mornings I wish I could be sick rather than deal with "trying" again, and going through another qualm of this next child working out. This isn't supposed to be depressing, I'm just trying to think of something to blog about and this is what is on my mind because it's so recent. My husband and I weren't going to blog about the miscarriage because it's like not one of those things you blog about, but I don't really care. I've decided that if I can't sit down and think of anything prettier and packaged with a big smile to blog about then I'm pathetic.

After this miscarriage I pulled out a quote book I created years ago. It's a raw, green leathered, strappy deal that wraps around a book of blank pages. It's always been on our many book shelves, and has been with me for a lonnng time through many hard trials I've encountered. When I do open it, it's as if it comes to life, because I finally smell the huskiness of the leather, and I see my own handwriting reminding me of better things, like a first introspect of myself and what I'm made of. The words always seem to match the exact feelings I'm harboring. So, sitting on the couch a few nights ago I pulled it out. I decided to thumb through the pages and see the words of wisdom that I almost forgot I penned. I thought I'd share some of them with you all because they pertain to almost every situation in life. I'll type as many as I can before the blog gets ridiculously long! (most of these were from talks from church, mission, conference, college courses, young women's etc.)

"Greatness is best measured by how well an individual responds to the happenings in life that appear totally unfair, unreasonable, and undeserved." (can't remember who said it)
"Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure." - Norman V. Peale
"You must know for which harbor your are headed if you are to catch the right wind to take you there." - Seneca
"Man's mind stretched to a new idea NEVER goes back to its original dimensions." -Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Don't lose your soul for the world, lose the world for your soul!" -Joseph B. Wirthlin
"Faith is to act without evidence." Joseph B. Wirthlin
"When there is no wind, row."
"Our love of God must be pure, without selfish intent." - Pres. Faust
"Opposition: Stepping stones not stumbling blocks."
"The harder the inclines of life the greater the heights." - Current OKC Mission President
"Have I not commanded thee, be strong?" -Joshua 1:9
"You never become the tallest tree when you don't have to fight your way to the light." Sis. Tanner
"Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goals." - Elder Sorenson
"The greatest experiences in life come throught the deepest adversity." - Pres. Tanner
"Money won't buy eternal life." - Sis. Tanner
"The only safety in the world is obedience to God. It makes you safer, it makes you stronger." - Pres. Tanner
"A testimony is something that grows. It isn't a destination. It isn't an arrival." - Pres. Tanner
"We have always had a modern technology. The Holy Ghost." - Pres. Hinckley
"Knowledge is power. But to actually live according to your knowledge is greater." -Elder Burns
"You say you believe in prayer. Why don't you pray about it?" - Pres. Faust
"All the major events of the restoration [of the gospel] were preceeded by prayer." - Robert D. Hales
"God seeks our individual happiness and safety more than anything else in this complex universe." Jeffery R. Holland
"Obedience is a life jacket."
"God is waiting to answer our prayers and dreams, but he can't if we don't ask, don't dream, and in short, don't believe." - Jeffrey R. Holland

I've learned that some things happen that are totally out of God's control. Not that He couldn't control them, but that He loves us more than He loves our happiness. Only He truly knows. Life is part of a larger sifting and refining. Life is larger than myself.

Content - 1. quietly satisfied and happy: reasonably happy and satisfied with the way things are 2. ready to accept something: willing to accept a situation or comply with a proposed course of action

Nothing extremely important has gone on these past few weeks. Just the norm. (Although I really want to go off about China and North Korea right now, but I won't. You're all spared.) Basically what has gone on is just the day in and day out stuff with Coleman, home, church, hubby, his work, his studies. We're all healthy, happy, and content. What more could I ask for? Chris is gearing up to take his second Dental Admissions Test (DAT). His stack of flash cards is INSANE! He's brilliant! (Can I brag?) Biochemistry, Organic Chemistry, Zoology, Biology, Physics, Arithmetic, Anatomy, Perceptual Ability (3-D pattern perception), Physiology, and...I'm sure I'm forgetting some...hmmm, anyway. I get to have the job of reviewing his flash cards with him. I feel like I'm learning more than he's actually reviewing. I guess that's good because he's teaching me at the same time that he's learning. He takes his test on Thursday, so hold your breath with me! I have total faith in him. As for me, don't worry, don't worry. Chris has surprised me with chocolate on more than one occasion, and I know that "God's delays are not his denials." (that one's for you Hublah) Coleman, on the other hand, is giving a whole knew meaning to HANDFUL. Hooray for nursery in ONE.MORE.WEEK. He'll love playing with toys SO much more than empty church halls and daddy's lap!